i wasn't gonna submit this till later, but i deceided to be nice and submit it anyway.
This is just page 1, i will submit the the other pages later, when i feel like it.
This page is narrated by Valentine.
the whole comic is gonna be narrated by Valentine.
hehe, common disease. XD
If i made any typos, point them out.
BTW, don't ask who the black dog is, i will introduce his purpose later on.
yay, Scarface
You said point out typos, so... the "On a hot day, in our town, starts like every other day." That's all kinds of awkward. I'd say drop the on and the commas and it'll be all kinds of fine.
That little nitpick aside, I like ending a page on a cliffhanger of sorts like you did here. Makes people anticipate the next page... but work at your own pace on that one. Can't wait to see where this is headed. I like looking at your dog drawings and the one-shot comics, and now we get a story about 'em! ^_^
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Hey, I still have my dignit- WOO! AN APPLE! *munchmunchmunch*
Well, shaving Timmy's head would certainly be a way to quell boredom for a moment, but you certainly have a knack for catching the reader's attention right from the start xD
I can already tell that this is going to be a great comic. :3 Like IrkSplee said, drop the "on" in the first sentence. The commas should be left where they're at. And after "common disease known to man" you should add an 'as' so that it aligns with "pure boredom".
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Comments
Nice idea. xDDD
this is good so far.
That little nitpick aside, I like ending a page on a cliffhanger of sorts like you did here. Makes people anticipate the next page... but work at your own pace on that one. Can't wait to see where this is headed. I like looking at your dog drawings and the one-shot comics, and now we get a story about 'em! ^_^
--
Hey, I still have my dignit- WOO! AN APPLE! *munchmunchmunch*
You have me anxious for more
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Member of:
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Your everyday "Border Husky" solution
but hey, i don't have perfect grammer,
thank you for pointing that out.
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